Wednesday, February 13, 2013

A dating monster's manual: Dress to impress on Valentine's Day.

Yep, tomorrow is Valentine's Day. -Sigh...- Anyway, I might not be having a date but some of us do. So, here's some tips on how to dress to impress your date, boyfriend, husband for V-Day!

You can be my Boyfriend!
Ladies, the guy is already yours. Please him on Valentine's Day and sex him up! -Did I really say that?!-

Sexy Outfit #1: The Bodycon.

Bodycon dresses are just sexy. There is nothing more to say.

Sexy Outfit #2: The Cropped Top.

Cropped top + leather + animal print = hot one Valentine's night.

I've got a Crush on you!
Trying ti impress that one guy you like? Play it safe...or not.

Safe Outfit #1: Flowered Skirt.

Yes, flowers are a safe bet on Valentine's Day. This look is perfect for a casual date at the movies.

Safe Outfit #2: The Little Black Dress.

You can't lose with a black dress. It's always trendy and classy.

Not-So-Safe-Outfit #1: True Colors.

Show your true colors right away. You are more hate heels and adore sneakers; then go for it, wear your favorite sport shoes. Who knows? You might end up intriguing him.

Not-So-Safe-Outfit #2: You are a shorty.

Wearing shorts on V-Day is daring. A true challenge, but if you feel like shaking things up, then go for it, all the way!

Happy V-Day, peeps!

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

The one with the confession.

Dating is hard, yes, but sometimes it can be the sweetest thing! This date was definitely sweet, but sour. I love my job -somewhat...- and I'm a firm believer in the saying; don't mix business with pleasure. That's probably why I've never dated anybody from my workplace. Too dangerous. The last thing that I want is to worry about avoiding an ex-boyfriend all day long at work when I should be worrying about, you know, actually working. Those awkward moments, I always managed to escape. When Jamie was hired into the company I work for, I thought he was pretty damn cute. I never forgot my rule about work, though. However, somehow, Jamie and I developed a flirtationship. We were making eyes at each other at the water cooler, knocking our knees together under the table at lunch and complimenting each other daily. I knew it was bad, I knew it was trouble, but I couldn't resist. Mostly because there was that voice in the back of my head telling me that he could be the one. The one. The reason why we allow ourselves to go through all of these things.

Anyway, after a couple of weeks of flirtationship, Jamie asked me to be his date to the company's Christmas Bash. I said yes. I bought a nice dress, not too slutty, not too prude-ish, just right. I went to the salon and got my hair done. I was really into positive thinking at the time, so I thought, if a put some extra effort into it, I'll have better results than I had in the past. The evening went amazingly. We had fun; he was funny and charming. He kissed me goodnight, but that was it.

The last thing I wanted was for thing to get weird at work. They didn't, we kept things very professional. Maybe too professional. He was pleasant with me, but he sort of stopped our little flirt thingy. I was disappointed, because I would have wanted to go out with him again. After a couple of days, I got over it. That's when he asked me out for drinks. I agreed, but I was a bit confused.

Siting at the bar, a drink in my hand, Jamie was talking about how beautiful I looked that at the party. I was having a great time, much like our last date. Than, things got weird, really fast.

J: You know, I...No, forget it.

Me: What?

J: Never mind.

I hate nothing more than people who starts saying something and then stop to tell you to forget it. I suppose that they want to make some sort of effect, but I always get the feeling that they want you to work for it. And, I hate working outfit the office.

Me: C'mon! You've got to tell me! I'll just harass you until you do.

J: Well, I just wanted to tell you that I was having a great time with you. The best I've ever had with any women.

Me: Wow. Hum, well, that's good.

I'm getting a little freaked out there, but I'm trying to control myself. So, he had bad dates, so have I. At this point, I couldn't say that I liked him more than anybody I've ever met, but... I was really surprise also, I didn't even think he liked me that much.

Me: I'm just surprised. I didn't think you liked me.

J: Really? How come?

Me: Well, you, hum, seemed distant.

J: I know. I'm sorry about that. I had some thinking to do.

Me: Any good came from it?

At this point, I was thinking that was having an issue with work, or friends, or family.

J: Yes. I, hum, realized that I'm in love with you.

Jaw dropping. Palms sweating. Heart racing. Not. A. Good. Feeling.

Me: After one date? You love me after one date?

J: The heart wants what it wants.

He looked so serious. It couldn't be a joke. When he walked me home, I told him that things were going a little too fast for me and that it'll be better if we cool things off. He looked sad, but I couldn't deal with a love addict. He freaked me out.

Jamie got over me, though. A week later, he was spotted -apparently- making out with Jenny, the copy girl. I guess he is just one of these people who moves fast. Thankfully, things at work are the same as they always were. Jamie is a nice person, regardless. We still chat from time to time, without it leading anywhere. The perfect workationship!

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

The one with OKCupid.

So I signed up for OKCupid. Wow. What an interesting website! -Sarcasm!- Not that I don't find dating websites useful, but I'm not sure about OKCupid. What do you guys think, is it just a "hook up" kind of website?

Yes, it is free. Yes, there is a lot of members. Yes, with a pretty good picture, you can have lots of messages. Unfortunately, that only lasts the first week after you sign up. After that, you are old news. Yes, there is a massive amounts of creeps, but which site doesn't?! The Quick Match option would be interesting of you wouldn't have to pay to access it. No, I'm not going to try the Crazy Blind Date option. Dating someone from the internet -even if you set up the date yourself-, is already a crazy blind date. I mean, that scares me enough as it is. As a matter of fact, any date is scary.

Moving on, OkCupid is a notch over Plenty-of-Fish. Plus, I bet everyone appreciate the "Drugs -yes, -no, -never" question in the profile. Finally, we'll know straight up if we are about to date a druggie. -Nobody lies on their online dating profile, right?-

I'll tell you what happens on the OkCupid land later.

The one with all the sex.

Did I get your attention? Great. Now, I can tell you all about Yuri. I met him in a coffee a shop. While I'm at it, don't ever -ever- agree to go on a date with a stranger. Now that's its out of my system, let's get to it. Yuri was kind of funny looking. -But, hey, I'm no miss America!- Anyway, he dropped a line and I caught it. I was just really bored -There was nothing good on Hollywood and I was highly caffeinated.- He moved to my table and with started our "date". We had more coffee and then, Yuri suggested we see a movie. I thought, in theaters. He thought, at his place.
"Hum, I don't really feel [comfortable] going to your place right now.", I said.

He looked surprise. -Do I look that easy? Dear god, let it be no!-

"Why?", he responded, "I'm a good guy. I'll behave."

Ah! The "I'm a good guy" argument. Don't guys know that saying the you are a "good guy" implies you aren't?

"I'm sure you are, but I'd just prefer if we went to the movies instead.", I said.

We were looking for a movie online on his smartphone when he just came back on the subject.
"I'm sorry, but I just don't see what's the big deal, here.", he said, "Why don't you want to come to my place?"

I was floored -yet again!- Why was he making a big deal about me coming his place?

"I don't know you.", I said, figuring it was enough of an explanation for a complete stranger I'd met an hour ago.
"I'm not a pervert or anything!", he almost yelled.

There. That's when I realized why he really wanted me to go to his place; he wanted to murder me or cut out my liver to sell it on the black market.

"Look, I'm sure that you are, hum, a nice fella, but I'm actually not feeling very well. I should just head home.", I said, scared as s***.

I looked at me suspiciously.
"Alright", he finally said, "I could call you tomorrow to set up another date. Just give me your number."

I did something I never ever do. I fake-numbered him. I had too. I was scared that if I didn't; he would follow me home and try to cut me.

Oh, and, I never went back to that coffee shop. Better safe then sorry.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

The one with the high school crush.

This story isn't like any other I wrote on this website. This is the story of how I screwed up a date with a perfectly nice guy -yes, some are.- I meet this guy in High School when we were a bunch of fifteen y.o. with raging hormones. I was a sophomore and I was incredibly insecure about himself -like most teenage girls, duh!- This is not the story of a date that happened when I was in High School.This is the story of the date I had with this guy -let's call him Noah- three years of my graduation and how I screwed it up.

Noah, as a teenager, wasn't somebody that I should have been into. He had a bad reputation and lots of rumors were running around school about drug use and small robberies. He and his friends were the "bad seeds" of my High School. Before you start judging me for falling for a bad boy, you have to know that Noah wasn't like this when we met in sophomore year. He was a shy and artsy individual with a smart mouth. Frankly, we were in same group for almost every class and I didn't even know his name. I didn't noticed him until that  faithful day when I caught him staring at me in English class, a crooked smile on his face. After that, I realized that he was looking at me a lot. So, I started to pay attention to him and realized that there really was something about Noah -see what I did there!-

Anyway, I liked him although high school. When he didn't come to graduation, and then to prom, I started to forget about him. I was going off to college in the fall, I heard he wasn't. I had this job at the mall and I made new friends -and new crushes!- Plus, we were barely on speaking terms. We had chat very few times during our high school years. He had his friends; I had mine. That's how we rolled.Only with the people in our crew.

During almost two years, I lived my life and lived his. I dated guys and he dated girls. I don't remember thinking about him during that time. We reconnected via social medias. We e-mailed each other for a bit. It was so weird talking to him again. I was totally swoon by him. He had went back to the nice, sweet boy I once knew. I guessed it helped that high school ended and the pressure was off.

We met in a park. It was weird altogether. I don't remember ever feeling that uncomfortable around a boy. he wasn't any boy though. He was my high school crush -I know you understand me.- It was like my mind went blank. I couldn't form a proper sentence. I came out snobbish and icy when all I ever was, was insecure and scared. I even remember talking about how badly I thought of him and his friends back then. -I did that, really?- After that fiasco, I barely talked to him again. Truth was, I was so ashamed of the way I acted that I avoided any contact with him. There never was a second date.

Noah is now engaged. Yes, I screw that one up royally, but even though, it doesn't mean that things could have worked out between us anyway. I guess we'll never know. As you can all see, I'm not always the victim of bad dates. Sometimes, I'm the bad date others talk about with their friends.

The one with the fake Marty McFly.

What a boring Sunday! Almost made me wish a I a bad date scheduled. While, I was painting my toenails in bright pink, a particularly bad date came back to my mind. Argh. Just the thought of that guy makes me want to pull a Gandhi and become a celibate -forever-. Since I know you are all dying to know the story -yeah, right...-, I'll tell you!

Teddy was a waiter/musician/model/singer/everything else in the book. I met him at an 80's themed party -I know, I know...- He was dressed as Micheal J. Fox alias Marty McFly and I was the only girl who knew who Marty McFly was. It was a perfect match. We even made out when he walked me to my cab. I could tell he had smoke a couple of cigarettes, but I didn't mind. Maybe, because I was -a little- intoxicated. Anyway, after-make out, he asked for my number and said he was going to text me. -Texts...I hate texters with their; gtg, lmafo, lol (over-used of the lol), aamof, acgaf and shit.- I was flushed, so I said something like; 'kay.

The next day, he did text me. Asking if I wanted to grab drinks with him. Yeah, of course, I wrote back -in perfect English, lol!-

We met at this little pub. While the place was charming, Teddy definitely wasn't. He arrived on a big -and quite vulgar and flashy- motorcycle. I didn't immediately recognized him or neither did I wanted to, but when he called out my name, I had no choice anymore. He wasn't the dashing man I remembered. He was wearing a sleeveless white shirt and a pair of -really- baggy jeans. The kind teenagers wore back when I was in High School. Unfortunately, I wasn't looking to date a sixteen year old boy.

As he got closer, I couldn't help but noticed  that he went to the tanning salon or used some sort of spray tan thing. He had way too much gel in his hair. Yes, I was out with a Jershey Shore wannabe. Now, the Shore is a good mindless entertainment but I never wanted to bang Mike "The Situation". It's just not into my type of guy. Anyway, he sits down.

Immediately, I noticed that he was wearing two watches. Naively, I asked;
"So, hum, why the two watches?"
"It's just cool.", he said, looking as hurt as if I killed his bunny in the manner Alex did in Fatal Attraction.

After we ordered our drinks. He asked me what I thought of his bike. I simply answered that I didn't know much about them, nor did I think anything specific about the subject. He didn't seem pleased with my answer. He pretty much shut down after that, except to said;
"Just so you know; I won't pay for your drink."
"That's okay.", I responded, not caring since I wasn't into him at all.
"I just don't think that's something women should expect. They work, they can afford a seven dollar drink as much as I can.", he closed, looking pretty happy with himself.

Needless to say that I never saw him ever again. He did drunk dial me at three am once. I didn't pick up, of course. I supposed he needed some working girl to pay for his seven dollar drink or he was looking for a hook up. Argh, to think I kissed that jerk. I was able to forgive myself for that. After all, he did fool me into thinking that he was a Marty McFly when he was a DJ Pauly D meets 50 cent.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

The one with the cheap tricks.

I know that most of you I've been on a date -or even a relationship!- with a man -or a woman- who used, what I like to call, cheap tricks. By cheap tricks, I obviously mean, forgetting his wallet home or serving you leftovers. I thought I'd seen it all in the cheap tricks department, until I met Will. He was in construction. He was very manly -oh man!- and a tad redneck, but I figured that's be a nice change from the artsy guys I usually went for.

We met at a mutual friend's baseball game one summer. I agreed to meet him over a drink, the next week-end. The date went well and we agreed to have dinner together the following Saturday. He said I should pick the restaurant, and I remembered he said he loved seafood. So, I choose I nice place who served good seafood and wasn't that expensive.

We sat down, got drinks, had a nice conversation. After finishing our meals, Will suggested that we went to his place for one last drink. I was up for it; he was nice and somewhat funny. -Plus, he was good looking- Then, he also suggested that we split the the cost. I figured maybe money was tight for him these days, so I agreed.

When the waitress came back with one receipt, I divided the cost; about forty bucks each. I didn't have enough cash on me so I took my credit card out. He said he would pay his half cash. As the waitress got close, he leaned in and said;
"You know, I think it'll be less complicated if we pay with only one payment."

I thought that he was maybe embarrassed to not be able to pay for me.

"I could just give you my half in the car.", he said.

I agreed and handed over my credit card to the waitress.

In the car, Will started to look through his wallet, he seemed bothered.
"What's wrong?", I asked.

"I feel very embarrassed by this.", he said, "I don't have enough to pay you back for dinner."

Will looked like he was feeling very bad about the whole situation.

"It's okay.", I told him, "You can pay me back some other time."

There, I was sure I was going to see him again. We got along pretty great and I was attracted. He seemed to be too. After all, he did  propose we went back to his place.

We were driving and I thought that we were going back to his place for that drink he proposed earlier. However, he seemed to have something else in mind. -Don't worry, this story doesn't end by; he shopped me up in pieces and now, I'm a ghost looking for revenge.- He stopped the car in front of my building.
"I thought you wanted us to have one last drink at your place?", I said, confused.
"Yeah, I do. But, you know what, I'm beat. I feel like going to bed.", he explained, "I'll take you to dinner next week."

I was disappointed but I figured, alright he's tired. Big whop! He probably had a rough day at work.

I e-mailed him the next week after not hearing from him. He never called me back. I had been the victim of a cheap trick. The guy had free-mealed me. I couldn't believe I fell for his: "I feel very embarrassed" bullshit. If you are reading this, Will, I'm still waiting for that forty bucks, dude.

Basically, I got the tricks and no treats.