Wednesday, January 30, 2013

The one with all the sex.

Did I get your attention? Great. Now, I can tell you all about Yuri. I met him in a coffee a shop. While I'm at it, don't ever -ever- agree to go on a date with a stranger. Now that's its out of my system, let's get to it. Yuri was kind of funny looking. -But, hey, I'm no miss America!- Anyway, he dropped a line and I caught it. I was just really bored -There was nothing good on Hollywood Life.com and I was highly caffeinated.- He moved to my table and with started our "date". We had more coffee and then, Yuri suggested we see a movie. I thought, in theaters. He thought, at his place.
"Hum, I don't really feel [comfortable] going to your place right now.", I said.

He looked surprise. -Do I look that easy? Dear god, let it be no!-

"Why?", he responded, "I'm a good guy. I'll behave."

Ah! The "I'm a good guy" argument. Don't guys know that saying the you are a "good guy" implies you aren't?

"I'm sure you are, but I'd just prefer if we went to the movies instead.", I said.
"Alright"

We were looking for a movie online on his smartphone when he just came back on the subject.
"I'm sorry, but I just don't see what's the big deal, here.", he said, "Why don't you want to come to my place?"

I was floored -yet again!- Why was he making a big deal about me coming his place?

"I don't know you.", I said, figuring it was enough of an explanation for a complete stranger I'd met an hour ago.
"I'm not a pervert or anything!", he almost yelled.

There. That's when I realized why he really wanted me to go to his place; he wanted to murder me or cut out my liver to sell it on the black market.

"Look, I'm sure that you are, hum, a nice fella, but I'm actually not feeling very well. I should just head home.", I said, scared as s***.

I looked at me suspiciously.
"Alright", he finally said, "I could call you tomorrow to set up another date. Just give me your number."

I did something I never ever do. I fake-numbered him. I had too. I was scared that if I didn't; he would follow me home and try to cut me.

Oh, and, I never went back to that coffee shop. Better safe then sorry.

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